Post by oliver101 on Nov 18, 2009 16:10:55 GMT
I may get in trouble for posting these, they were sent to me by my wife 
Please read them with a light hearted viewpoint, I await the backlash.
>The Man Rules
>We always hear " the rules " from the female side. Now here are the
>rules from the male side.
>
>
>
>These are our rules!
>Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
>ON PURPOSE!
>
>1. Men are NOT mind readers.
>( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
>
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
>You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
>We need it up, you need it down.
>You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
>
>1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
>or the changing of the tides.
>Let it be.
>
>1. Crying is blackmail.
>
>1. Ask for what you want.
>Let us be clear on this one:
>Subtle hints do not work!
>Strong hints do not work!
>Obvious hints do not work!
>Just say it!
>
>1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
>
>
>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
>what we do.
>Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
>
>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
>In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
>
>
>1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
>Don't ask us.
>
>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the
ways
>makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
>
>1. You can either ask us to do something
>Or tell us how you want it done.
>Not both.
>If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
>
>1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
>commercials..
>
>1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
>
>1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
>Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a
fruit.
>We have no idea what mauve is.
>
>1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
>We do that.
>
>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
>nothing's wrong.
>We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
>
>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an
answer
>you don't want to hear.
>
>1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...
>Really .
>
>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
>discuss such topics as Football
>or Hockey.
>
>1. You have enough clothes.
>
>1. You have too many shoes.
>
>1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
>
>1. Thank you for reading this.
Ian
Please read them with a light hearted viewpoint, I await the backlash.
>The Man Rules
>We always hear " the rules " from the female side. Now here are the
>rules from the male side.
>
>
>
>These are our rules!
>Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
>ON PURPOSE!
>
>1. Men are NOT mind readers.
>( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
>
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
>You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
>We need it up, you need it down.
>You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
>
>1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
>or the changing of the tides.
>Let it be.
>
>1. Crying is blackmail.
>
>1. Ask for what you want.
>Let us be clear on this one:
>Subtle hints do not work!
>Strong hints do not work!
>Obvious hints do not work!
>Just say it!
>
>1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
>
>
>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
>what we do.
>Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
>
>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
>In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
>
>
>1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
>Don't ask us.
>
>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the
ways
>makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
>
>1. You can either ask us to do something
>Or tell us how you want it done.
>Not both.
>If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
>
>1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
>commercials..
>
>1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
>
>1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
>Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a
fruit.
>We have no idea what mauve is.
>
>1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
>We do that.
>
>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
>nothing's wrong.
>We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
>
>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an
answer
>you don't want to hear.
>
>1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...
>Really .
>
>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
>discuss such topics as Football
>or Hockey.
>
>1. You have enough clothes.
>
>1. You have too many shoes.
>
>1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
>
>1. Thank you for reading this.
Ian
